Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Defining Who I Am

Yesterday I read that Donald Trump has called for the US to stop allowing Muslim people to enter our country.  It really can’t be surprising since many of the state governors have already made it known that they will not be accepting refugees into their states.  Even though I’m pretty sure that they can’t actually legally do that.  I’ve struggled with the concept of denying refuge to those in need.  I’ve wondered how a people who have read history can look at the flood of refugees running for their lives and not see the similarities of the Jewish people during the Holocaust.  How do we look at a human being who has left all that they have and say they can’t come here?  How do we tell a parent who’s child did not survive the journey that they have journeyed in vain?  But we are.

How did it come to this?  I’ve heard the arguments, that we need to protect our own, that we don’t know who these people are, that there are terrorists among them.  You know… there are terrorists here now.  You cannot tell who they are by looking at them.  You cannot tell who they are by being members of their family.  You cannot tell who they are… period.  We’ve done far more damage to our own, that has been done to us by the hands of international terrorists.  I’m over those arguments.  I recognize that there is a possible danger.  I recognize there is a danger to me driving a car too.  That doesn’t mean I don’t do it.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t open my arms and say welcome, be at peace here.  If anything it means that I do it more.  I am not one that wishes ill to you and your family.  I am not one who believes that you are a terrible person. I just want you to be safe.  I want to give you the best chance you can have.  I want to give you what I would desperately be searching for if our roles were reversed.  I want to give you a place to lay your head and weep.  I want to give you the time to rest.  I want to give you love.  I understand that it’s hard to hear me.  That the voices of bitter hatred are loud and seemingly many, but they don’t speak for everyone. 

I’ve heard that I’m a bleeding heart, that I haven’t seen what they’ve seen.  I’ve heard I’m too young to understand.  I’m tired of hearing that.  If your heart doesn’t break for families that are torn apart, my heart breaks for you.  I may not have seen what they have seen, but I have witnessed terrible acts.  I’ve watched buildings be destroyed by those who live here and those who don’t.  I’ve watched loved ones come to terms with the death of their family members at the hands of terrorists, those who live here and those who don't.  I’ve felt the fear of letting my child go to school without me to protect her, because elementary school isn't safe anymore.  And regardless of my age, I am old enough to read, to take in history, to look at both sides and make a decision of my own.  I am young but I am not stupid, and their assumption that I am is ridiculous.  I am fully aware of the decision I am making, of the possible consequences.  Who am I to tell those looking for refuge to look elsewhere?  Who am I to turn my backs on the hopeless?  Who am I?

Monday, January 26, 2015

Open letter to adult bullies...

Good afternoon,

I understand that you are insecure in some way or another. I understand that some of you do not even know that you are a bully. I understand that some of you were the victim at some point. I understand that some of you think this is the stupidest thing you have ever read. I also understand that the people I wish would read this... won't.

All that being said, I wish you would stop. I wish you could understand the damage you do. I wish that you were able to see that, even though you don't physically hurt someone, the scars remain. I wish that you would think before you speak. I wish that you would care about others to the point that being kind is your first priority. I wish you could see the pain you inflict on family members. I wish you could feel the spirits you crush. I wish you were never taught how to belittle others, because you were subjected to it yourself.  I wish you knew how to elevate others. I wish you knew how to celebrate differences.

I wish you would read this...

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Invisibles

Change lanes... Pick up your phone... Look through your purse... Push buttons on the radio... Speed through an intersection... DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT.  If I do one of those things, they won't bother me.

If I don't look, I won't see the sadness. If I don't look, I won't get that sinking feeling in my stomach. If I don't look, I won't see desperation. If I don't look, I won't see pain. If I don't look, they won't see me. If I don't look, I won't see them.

We avoid what is disturbing to us to an extent that we no longer see it. The beggar on the corner doesn't effect us in any other way other than to think to continue to avoid them. Better yet, our minds come up with labels that justify our actions to alleviate the guilt of avoiding someone else's plight. The refugees that flee to our country are illegal and we shouldn't let them in, the pan handler will only use my money for drugs, I don't have time to so and get food for him because I'll be made to my job, I pay taxes so should they...

Love... Love freely, love equally, love with abandon.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

If it's worth having....

It's not easy...

I think that is true for so many things... Really all things.  I don't have one thing  that I place high value on, that was easy to get. My education, my career, my faith,my child... And yeah my marriage.  I almost lost that once.  I thank God everyday that I didn't. I can tell you that getting past that and being where our relationship is today was hard.  Harder than anything I'd done before. It was a guilty, dark, and fearful time. And it was my fault. 

I'm not perfect, obviously! I don't know everything, but I thought I would share some things that I think saved us... Maybe it'll help.

1)Say you are sorry, but not til you mean it.
I know they say not to go to bed angry, and they are right... Don't!!! But also don't say you're sorry just to end an argument. Learn to understand that being apologetic is okay. If you fight about something that is important to you, maybe its not an apology for how you feel, but an apology for letting it escalate. But MEAN it!!

2)Touch often.
It can release endorphins and lower blood pressure. It can make you smile and take away hurt. Touch your spouse.  Hold their hand. Learn the lay of their face with your fingers. Play with their hair and hold hands.

3)Make love more.
Yeah, cliche right, but there is some truth
here. For the most part, humans like sex. Oh sure not all of us, but mostly. Also, try things. It doesn't have to get crazy in the bedroom, or not the bedroom, but spice it up. Don't let the topic be scary, talk about it with your spouse.

4)Receive constructive criticism with grace.
This is hard for me too. I've learned to
apologize for the lack of grace. A lot of communication can save a marriage. Letting your spouse know that they can come to you and have an adult conversation about you is super important. If your spouse can't tell you their dislikes, they are going to tell someone else... Think about that.

5)Learn to be happy with you.
They can't make you happy. Oh sure they can help, but you and you alone are responsible for your happiness.

6)Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Okay, we all screw up. We don't have all the answers. Don't be afraid to seek a professional for help. A counselor, pastor, a prayer... may be a good place to look. Or just a friend.

7)Don't be scared to admit you are wrong
Check back to #1 first but understand, that being wrong is fine. Messing up is fine. Not knowing what the hell to do... Guess what... It's FINE! It isn't the end of the world to be wrong... It's totally normal.

8)Do insanely stupid things together.
Enjoy hanging out playing video games, even if you're 40. Have a water gun fight. Jump on trampoline, play board games. Dance in the rain, have snow ball fights. Be silly and laugh together.

9)Go on cheesy dates.
Find something out of the box... Do it. Go race go carts. Play mini golf. Go paint balling. Hit up a batting cage.

9.5)And romantic ones
And yes put on the good duds and go out. It doesn't have to be expensive. Just get dolled up and go. It isn't the cost, its the fact that you are making the effort.

10)Say I love you.
When....? ALL THE TIME!!!

I won't pretend that this is a catchall.  Marriage is work... It's a wonderfully fulfilling, frustrating, demanding, amazing full time job. There will be times when you scream, times when you cry, times were you would rather be anywhere else. When those things happen.... Remember why you fell in love. When the world, and those in it, start to push in, push back.

Peace.

Monday, August 11, 2014

You keep using that word...

... I do not think it means what you think it means...

per·se·cu·tion

ˌpərsəˈkyo͞oSHən/

noun

noun: persecution; plural noun: persecutions

hostility and ill-treatment, especially because of race or political or religious beliefs.

"her family fled religious persecution"

synonyms:oppression, victimization, maltreatment,ill-treatment, mistreatmentabuse, ill-usage, discriminationtyranny; More

persistent annoyance or harassment.

"his persecution at the hands of other students"

So, what do you think it means... It gets tossed around a lot nowadays.

I hear people who have no idea what it means to wake up and be afraid say that they are persecuted... And that irritates me.  People in other countries are fleeing for their lives because they believe a certain way. They are persecuted.

We are not persecuted as Christians because same sex couples want to marry, we are not persecuted because women want to have access to all types of birth control. We are, in general, in our small corner of the world, NOT persecuted at all.

What we are makes me just as sad. We are judgmental, we are hypocrites, we are blind to the needy and we are not full of love as we proclaim to be.

When it suites us we say, "let he who has no sin cast the first stone," and then we throw a boulder at the next person passing by.

I'm not by any means saying I'm better... I want to be, maybe someday... I want to try  everyday, to be what I'm supposed to be.

I think that I'm supposed to be love, I'm supposed to use the brain that God gave me to figure out this world. To leave it just a bit better than when I came.

*we is used as a generalization to the group that is viewed as "Christian"